Taking Risks (Jumping off the ledge to save yourself)

The Realization

We’ve all been there—sitting alone with nothing but our thoughts when suddenly, a pang of deep-seated pain strikes. That pain, like a hot virus, spreads through your chest, and in its wake, memories—both real and imagined—flash by. In that moment, regret becomes overwhelming.

I’ve felt that regret countless times, haunted by the thought of all the things I should’ve done. I realized that fear had seeped into the pores of my life, whispering what-ifs and maybes until it became impossible to ignore. I found myself staring over the edge of security, looking into the abyss of the unknown, and it was staring right back at me.

What potential lies in the fog of uncertainty?

The Weight of Doubt

I am a very anxious person. I've always felt on edge, as far back as I can remember. For a long time, I believed that I was just a person who liked a very organized life and that it was in my Virgoan nature. Every time I took on a new idea, I ruminated on the world's most detailed six-month step-by-step plan for executing this idea. I remember when I wanted to start a youtube channel. The idea was simple and pure: to share my passions with an online community. I gathered up everything I could afford to get, basking in this sweet new feeling of ambition and inspiration.

I started my new journey according to plan, but then those negative thoughts begin to creep into my head. Could I really do this? How could I even fit this into my schedule when I’m a full-time student with a full-time job? Am I good enough to even take this seriously? Would people even be interested in watching me?

A million questions started running through my head, and I froze with panic. My detailed plan, instead of calming me, became a magnifying glass for all that could go wrong. I ended up not posting a single video, letting fear rob me of a dream.

This is how my regret festered from a small harmless troll into a mangled monster creeping in the corner of my skull, making the hairs on my neck stand up. I would have these good ideas and every single time, I stopped before I even started. My self esteem was affected heavily because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just make the damn youtube channel or start the damn blog. It turned into this festering, hateful disappointment within myself.

I’m 23 and feel like I’ve been living in this contained version of myself.

I haven’t really traveled.

I haven’t really allowed my creative side to take over as much as I want.

I’ve left so many situations without standing up for myself.

and I haven’t pursued things for the sake of personal exploration because of these self-limiting beliefs.

I was carrying around a suitcase of regret on my shoulders, and I felt the weight with every step.

What if?

I believe a lot of this anxiety stemmed from my problem with Perfectionism (We’ll talk ALL about this in another post). The doubt that always got to me the most was wondering if I was good enough. What if I’m wasting my time chasing dreams that never will work out for me? These thoughts haunted me and made me question my ability to do things in my life. I was a shell of what I could be.

I wanted to take control of my life by releasing control of myself.

This revelation led me to start this blog, The Esoteric Soul. I wanted to share the complex feelings and journeys of a black 23-year-old woman living in the South—raw, unfiltered, and real. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, hoping that by sharing my struggles, I might connect with someone who’s feeling the same or who might be inspired to challenge their own limits.

Jump Off The Ledge

I know you’re wondering, what is the point of talking about this. Well, I think you should take more risks in your life as well! Taking risks is necessary. Stepping out into the unknown is scary. It’s like stepping into a fog that surrounds you and fills you with unease.

But evolution is quite uncomfortable and very persistent. You can run from its grips pushing you to kill the old version of yourself and exit that cocoon to create some new and more refined or you’ll always have that monster standing in your ear whispering about your lost potential.

It will always linger until you reach for it and hold it close to you. Cherish it and Explore it.

So if there’s something that’s been in the back of your head. An idea. One that is persistantly looking back at you. Jump off the concrete ledge of security. Even when you’re surrounded in that hazy fog of unsureness, allow yourself freedom from those expectations of yourself.

You never know what you will find when you jump off the ledge into the unknown.

You could find yourself.